this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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