16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
