apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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