3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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