He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
