Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
