The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
