is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
