When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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