I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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