Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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