You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
