Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
