hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
