If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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