I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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