I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
