haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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