Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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