dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
