i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
