she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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