I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
