he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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