Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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