She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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