My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
