The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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