ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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