I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We just shotgunned beers for America
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
