Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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