dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
