i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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