I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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