I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
