You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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