Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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