It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
