Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
