so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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