some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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