vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
