you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
