dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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