we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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