Banned from zoo.
Again?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
