just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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