he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
