New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
In America we eat man semen.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
