Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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