K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
