dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
