Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
