in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
