You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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